I’m a little late for Burns’ night, but I thought I’d share this paper with you. “Applications of Ultrasonography in the Reproductive Management of Dux magnus gentis venteris saginati,” A.M. King, L. Cromarty, C. Paterson, and J.S. Boyd, Veterinary Record, no. 160, January 2007, pp. 94-6
Dux magnus gentis venteris saginati means, of course, Great Chieftain Of The Pudding Race, and refers to the lowly Haggis. As you all know, Haggis are mainly found in Scotland, running around the hills with legs on one side shorter than on the others. That helps with the terribly steep slopes in those highland glens. The reproductive management of haggis was, until January 2007, a somewhat black art. Many theoretical methods existed, but very few scientific experiments had been carried out to see how these wee beasties made it into the world.
The hunting season for these wee beasties is somewhat limited, and their appearance seems to vary. The Scotsman’s Haggis, for example, look rather more like a Duck Billed Platypus, while King et al. report a more conventional ‘buy in the butcher’ appearance.
Regardless of appearance, reproductive habits or even ultrasonography, Haggis remain a tasty treat, particularly if followed by a deep fried Mars Bar (other fried chocolate bars are available).
References:
Journal of Improbable Research: how to raise haggis
What a shame it’s not an OA article! We found one (a haggis) in Sydney and ate it in Canberra on Sunday. There is a video of the piping in and a truncated address on YouTube.
But I’m not telling you where.
ah, sorry, I didn’t realize the ‘Copy of Article’ referred to the Veterinary Record one. Cool.
Yeah, if you can’t access the article, there are a few copies floating around if you google the title.
Do I need to start searching YouTube?
I even did the Burns Supper thing over the weekend…sadly without the deep fried chocolate puddin’.
Ah, that’s a wonderful paper I was fortunate enough to be sent when it was published.
All true, you know.
I had a veggie haggis on Saturday night. They only eat Scottish heather and moss, so taste a little different from the carnivorous ones.
splort
When I first moved to Glasgow I heard a lot of Scottish jokes from my English friends. One such friend called me up after my first month and asked me how my PhD project was shaping up. “Why on earth would you go to Glasgow anyway?” was her exact phrasing.
My friend is an extremely bright person and was just starting her own PhD project in York. However she is one of those people with no common sense or knowledge of popular culture – at the age of 19 she had never even heard of the Hobbit, for example, and had other startling gaps in her knowledge. So I decided to enlighten her about Scottish fauna.
I launched into an explanation of my project – a sub-project of the Haggis cloning project (this was a year or two post-Dolly). I said that we were trying to clone haggis to release back into the wild (they’re endangered, you know – too easy to catch, you just need one person at the top of the hill to startle it into turning around and running away with its longer leg up the hill, and another person at the bottom of the hill with a net to catch it when it inevitably falls and rolls down). I explained about the different leg lengths, and lamented the fact that the legs of cloned haggis always come out the same length, meaning that they are ill adapted to survive in the wild.
I was doing just fine until she asked me if I thought the Hox gene family might be involved. Then I lost it.
Clearly leg length is controlled by a gene of the Hoax family.
Can one keep haggises in captivity – and are they any good at cutting the grass? We at the Maison Des Girrafes are keen to know.
Only if you have a suitable mountain-type hillock for them to graze on. They can’t survive on level ground, for obvious reasons.
Ah yes, of course. Very flat, Norfolk.
Yes, Norfolk is flat, except for the ski slopes.
Is it haggises or haggi?
Actually, Cromer is quite hilly. This always surprises people who visit, especially if they go by bike.
Norfolk is too far south. I suspect the sensitive wee haggi would be quite traumatized by southerners, let alone men in trousers…
‘Haggi’ is a biblical prophet. Or it might be ‘Haggai’. Hard to tell, as his name would have been written in Hebrew.
Skirts can be arranged. Don’t tempt me.
With the crocs? Interesting.
With more research I understand that Haggii, Haggises or “Wee Yins” are all correct. The Scotsman is my voice of authority.
Cloned haggis would do just fine in Norfolk.
I thought they only cloned Turkeys in Norfolk. Oh well.
—
Amazingly, I just managed to take a photograph of a Haggis right here in Glasgow. It probably rolled in from the nearby Campsie Fells.
By the time I took this though, it had been smothered in
a tartan shawlbatter, deep fried, laid to rest on a bed of chips (aka – fries) and doused in salt ‘n vinegar. Good old Glasgow health food. To be fair though, first time I’ve been to a chippy in yonks.That picture is cruelty. Now I want one (the Scottish Ale that is).
Proper chips!
I may have some vegetarian haggis tonight.
Deep fried with chips?
as long as the chips are vegetarian, I guess.
So no carefully titrated bovine lipid then…
I had a sandwich last week that was labeled as “grilled vegetarian sandwich”. I wanted to ask whether the vegetarians were raised organically before being grilled, but there was a long queue behind me so I didn’t.
I have one thing to say about all of the foods mentioned above, and it is this:
boak
Thank you for your attention.
OK, I just read the actual article and am now LMAO, as they say. Especially at the following:
“the hagg was sedated using 4 drams/kg uisge bheath (Whyte and MacKay)”
Yeah, 4 drams/kg would just about do it for me, too.
@ Katherine. The background image was in one of the more well lit areas of the Steel kitchen, hence where haggis ‘n’ chips photo taken.
The Historical Ales from Scotland 4-pack was used for research purposes after Christmas. I kept one for post research analysis and one may ‘crack this open’ at the end of this engaging experiment.
@Graham Elderberry black ale – it sounds ‘interesting’ but the description on your flickr sounds quite pleasant.
@Cath – I suspect the vegetarians were subdued with 4 drams/kg before being grilled for your sandwiches.
Graham> Is there anything you won’t deep fry in Glasgow? i mean, I’m in the city where you can find pretty much anything deep fried but I am, after all, in the South in US :)
I missed all the deep fried in Glasgow, although I did end up with a whole chicken in my “chicken and chips to go” one of those summer nights. I was very surprised to get that much food for so little money. Very cheap in deed.
I may have some vegetarian haggis tonight
Tofaggis? Tohagguti?^ Oh, I know, Quoaggis…
^ Probably means something very rude in Old Sumerian.
I’m hungry for a chip buttie now.
One might suggest this Ian Brooks NN post/thread or just delve straight to the video.
I may have some vegetarian haggis tonight
MacSweens, Edinburgh’s finest commercial mass producer of haggii, spent a good while trying to get a similar texture and taste but with vegan ingredients. They succeeded, pretty much. Hall’s also do a nutfree one, but it is less widely available.