I went Christmas shopping yesterday.
When we arrived at the shopping centre, the first bit of chemistry we encountered was the old favorite: stink bombs. Reminiscent of our departmental fridge, but more offensively mixed with crowds of anguished shoppers, the smell was pervasively irritating. It is difficult to pin down quite the combination o f ingredients used in this specific brand of stink bomb, and I have no overwhelming urge to hit the chemical store at work to identify the individual components. Suffice to say stink bombs are often small glass vials of ammonium sulfide which react with the moisture in air to produce a mixture of hydrogen sulfide (rotten eggs smell) and ammonia gases. Sometimes other sulfur containing compounds may be used such as thiols (mercaptans) which smell pretty foul. Methanethiol (methyl mercaptan) is apparently responsible for ‘asparagus pee’, ethanethiol (ethylmercaptan) is more familiar as the smell of natural gas, because it is added to odorless natural gas so that we might detect a leak. We’re capable of detecting many thiols at extremely low concentrations, and some people are more sensitive to the smell than others. I find that skunk (butylmercaptan) in low concentrations smells like burnt toast. In any case, the odor of stink bombs made parts of the shopping trip quite unpleasant and I’d like to find the small children who play such pranks and make sure that Santa does not visit them this year.
Of course, when two chemists go shopping, things are never easy. We were momentarily perplexed by the difference in mass of pans made of cast iron, and pans made of titanium. Dense indeed, it did take us a while to figure out that composite metal pan bases were probably just as good at heat distribution (if not better) without the added problems of being too heavy to lift off the stove. I struggle enough with heavy pans full of hot yummy goodness without compounding the issue by purchasing cast iron ones. Another moment of confusion was brought about by a certain celebrity chef’s range in concrete effect pestle and mortars. After I’d read the label and made a few highly unscientific remarks about granite pestle and mortars being a potential source of radon in your garam masala, I decided to stop being a purveyor of nonsense science and get on with the shopping in hand.
It wasn’t long before we came across mud products. You know the sort I mean. The ‘all natural, chemical free, detoxifying’ mud based product from some body of water that sounds like it shouldn’t be put near anything living, let alone slapped on your face. How did that all start? Did a couple of budding entrepreneur s sit down over coffee one day and say ‘I know, let’s put the mud from the old sea over there into bottles, ship it half way around the world and market it as some wonder cure for everything face related’? Seriously though, why would I want to slap dead sea (other mud varieties are available) mud all over myself? And why not River Trent mud? What’s so special about mud from the other side of the planet? I just have to walk away from those things, otherwise I start to rant a bit.
We did get most of our shopping done in the end, but the remainder is just going to have to be bought online. I don’t think I could stand the stink bombs again.
Online shopping is good. Real-life shopping is not. Oakridge mall was full of slow-moving gawking shoppers yesterday – not good at all!
I second the online shopping. It is so much better (assuming your recipients have told you what they want to a reasonable degree of accuracy).
I could just about handle Oakridge mall in Vancouver but Metro town just about sent me over the edge. Online is much easier. I invested in the amazon prime thing this year where i get free next day delivery for a fixed fee for one year. It has been useful, and well worth the money, but we’ve bought alot this year for the house.
Online seems cheaper as well, although the stores have some good sales.
We do most of our shopping online chez Gee, but it’s no magic bullet … no matter how whizzy the experience, it always boils down to a man with a van.
Christmas shopping? You’ve all been Christmas shopping?
(…)
And somewhere for the stuff to be left when we’re out. Usually the recycling bin…
Steffi?! You’ve not been Christmas shopping yet? Think of all the stink bombs you’re missing!
Katherine – what a delightful post! I was chuckling as I switched over to the tab with my favorite online purveyor…