SIR – Reading, as I am wont to do, the public prints, it has come to my notice that the regular missives by my esteemed friend, Mr Darwin, have ceased. Looking back into the archives, I note that his most recent effusion was published on 11th of April last, since when he has been curiously silent.
This absence has deprived me of a regular source of entertainment on a range of divers and challenging topics. I was struck in especial by Mr Darwin’s admiration for the writings of Mr Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, whom history will show to have been the Greatest Statesmen of This Or Any Other Age.
More seriously, however, Mr Darwin’s continued silence has given me pause to wonder as to his well-being. Has he run away to sea, on another Voyage of Discovery? Is he writing another book? Is he doubled up with Stomack Gripes of an Unknown Nature, sweating on the chaise longue in his darkened study at Downe? I think we should be told.
I remain,
Yours &c.
The Rev Dr. Ezekiel Gee,
Galapagos Villas,
Cromer,
Norfolk
It is possible that one of his supporters has been teaching Mr. Darwin magical tricks, but without explaining the instructions fully:
I’m sorry, Mr O’Hara, but you can’t pin that one on me. Mr Darwin reappeared as right as rain after I taught him my trick. I suspect he’s taking the waters at Ilkley.