Okay, it’s close enough to Christmas for a little fun. Your challenge is to add the next line to this slight variant on a well-known verse. The next person adds the next line, and so on. So here we go:
’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lab
Not a Gilson was stirring, not even one jab.
I really want to start the next line with -rador, but best we don’t go in the direction the first line would be implying
Oh, and the original is here, for those who (like me) need a template.
On the bench, ’twixt a novel by Jennifer Rohn
And the paper rejected by Henry’s iPhone
Lay a leg, still trembling and covered in gore
And Frankenstein sighed ‘I can’t take this no more’.
ROTFL!!! Stop ! Stop ! It hurts!!!
He exclaimed, panic struck
Careful now, everyone, this is a family website.
It’s okay, Henry, to keep with the metre of the original (approximately) Bob’s line needs extending. How about
He exclaimed panic struck, as he took in the scene,
of horrendous results from NN’s latest meme.
‘having one extra leg wasn’t part of the plan
to create a new species, anatomized man’
Sorry. That’s two lines. I counted.
And then out of the blue, ‘twas a bump in the night
A girrafe ’pon a unicycle, starting a fight
Held back by a keeper smiling with glee,
It was then that I knew it was Santa Gee
Sorry – forgot to embolden
Held back by a keeper smiling with glee,
It was then that I knew it was Santa Gee
‘Ho’, ‘ho’, and, moreover, ‘ho’. Those unicycling girrafes are dashed unreliable, and, what’s more, do not generate sufficient oomph. Back to the reindeer, methinks.
His iphone, how it jingled, his crocs how pink,
It was all I could do to stammer and blink.
‘There you are’ cursed old Frank’stein, approaching the Gee,
‘Call off the girrafe, and hand over the fee’
“The Beast” then leaped up, from O’Hara’s
leftnew legDamn you, Steel! I had my next line written, and then I previewed, and now it doesn’t work. Oh well.
Demanding his food – he would never beg
Damn you, Bob! Graham’s line was calling out for the introduction of one Brian Clegg to the poem.
Obviously, time for a tea break.
a tea break (prepared earlier by someone)
(Brian Clegg line for laters)
Next
What? Appearing from my old leg?
I was thinking something more like
“The Beast” then leaped up, from O’Hara’s new leg,
Attacked Santa Gee and his elf, Brian Clegg
Oh well, opportunity lost. Carry on.
And ’te survey said this
so.
“The Beast” then leaped up, from O’Hara’s new leg,
Attacked Santa Gee and his elf, Brian Clegg
(Blows raspberry at Bob)
First (animated) mix of the poem at this stage:-
(this is a very rough mix as I’m still new to this editing package)
Nice one Graham!
Lets get back to the action
One sweep of the sack and the beast was laid out
When the hoof of the giraffe gave a terminal clout
Oooh! How exciting! Can anyone play?
I’m more worried who the ‘terminal clout’ was directed at.
@Steffi – Eliminate your worries by providing the next line(s)
So am I Steffi.
and its leg fell off, with a sad little ‘plonk’
Does that work for you, Bob? Couldn’t think of anything else in a hurry.
That’s the giraffe’s leg, by the way. Just in case that wasn’t obvious.
Quick roundup. I’ve just blogged about this at the other place so have a condensed version of the masterpieces so far. Because of this, I’m suggesting a slight mod to Steffi’s line to pull back slightly into the main scheme (I’ve also edited slightly for scansion):
’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lab
Not a Gilson was stirring, not even one jab.
On the bench, ’twixt a novel by Jennifer Rohn
And the paper rejected by Henry’s iPhone
Lay a leg, still trembling and covered in gore
And Frankenstein sighed ‘I can’t take this no more’.
He exclaimed panic struck, as he took in the scene,
of horrendous results from NN’s latest meme.
‘having one extra leg wasn’t part of the plan
to create a new species, anatomized man’.
And then out of the blue, ‘twas a bump in the night
A girrafe ’pon a unicycle, starting a fight
Held back by a keeper smiling with glee,
It was then that I knew that it was Santa Gee.
His iphone, it jingled, his crocs were so pink,
It was all I could do to stammer and blink.
‘There you are’ cursed old Frank’stein, approaching the Gee,
‘Call off the girrafe, and hand over the fee.’
“The Beast” then leaped up, from O’Hara’s new leg
Attacked Santa Gee and his elf, Brian Clegg.
One sweep of the sack and the beast was laid out
When the hoof of the girrafe gave a terminal clout.
Its leg fell off quaintly, with a sad little ‘plonk’
You fixed the scansion Brian, but it doesn’t quite work…
How about:
Then its leg fell off quaintly, with a sad little ‘plonk’,
Santa Gee, from his sled, gave a loud, angry honk
The epic thunders on…
And the mask on his face slipped as ’twas loose
To reveal not a man but a fat Christmas Goose
Brian!!!!…
OK, I can live with that.
This is brilliant!
I demand a podcast. Brian, as a former a chorister, I think you should take up the challenge.
I think we can arrange a dramatic rendition, once it’s finished. The difficulty is deciding when it’s finished!
To Frankenstein’s horror, the bird reared up high
Trouble is, no one outside our clique will understand a word of it!
The difficulty is deciding when it’s finished!
Yes, because that Brian D. keeps introducing new weird things!!
Matt – clique?
He realized then that the bird could not fly
So he grabbed the elf Clegg, who stood by buggy-eyed
haha, I’m just laughing. Can’t think of a thing to add. I’m too scared to break the flow….. :)
and hoisting him up using his exothermic clout
endeavoured to beat his massive brains out
(sorry, is this too violent)
Clare – nevermind the violence, the next one was supposed to rhyme with ‘eyed’!
damn! I’ll have another go unless someone beats me to it.
Where’s Bob? Is he sulking because I overruled his addition, or because Brian D beat up The Beast with Santa’s sack and/or a girrafe leg?
and hoisting him up jubilantly cried
By this stage I am completely confused as to who/what is doing the hoisting and crying, and to whom… I think it’s Frankenstein attacking Santa Gee, who is actually a goose, but I’m not 100% sure.
Correct, Cath. O’Hara, the Beast and the girrafe were in the background…
O’Hara and Beast, get right over here! I have them at last
Yes, I thought Frankenstein was attacking Santa Gee, who is actually a goose, with Clegg the elf…
Sprinkle on the Ritalin, and let’s have a nutritious repast
I would just like to say at this point that I have a delicious recipe for a goose and elf kebab.
But five minutes had past, so the beast was asleep
I’ve totally lost where we are, but the beast is, indeed, asleep.
The Beast, just now.
Cath – yes, I was sulking, largely because of what had apparently happened top The Beast. I had to console myself at work with LaTeX and microarrays.
Having dreams that were complex, clever and deep
The Beast, with clever, complex and deep dreams, just now.
That cat is clearly awake, the first photo is more appropriate.
Or this one…
(Yes, I’m going there again)
He dreamed a solution, to this horrid scene:
I feel that a few lines back there was a touch of MacGonangal in the scantion.
All it would take was a new type of vaccine!
An ending perhaps? Ah that would be mean
But Christmas is coming, the goose has gotten fat
The beast woke up, and that was that
THE END (Please)
Bugger it! A simul-post
I am happy to use Stephen’s line if we stop the bloody thing NOW
Sorry – I was dithering. Actually I think yours is better – with modification:
And ending perhaps? Ah, that would be mean!
But Christmas is coming, the goose has got fat
The Beast woke up and that, folks, is that!
But perhaps it’s for Brian C. to adjudicate…?
Noooooooooo! I want to know what happens to the one-legged girrafe. I thought we were heading towards the creation of some kind of chimeric half-girrafe, half-Bob creature…
“Half warthog, half carrot? What would look nice? Half girrafe, half O’Hara?”
*He dreamed a solution, to this horrid scene:
Unite the spare legs! To waste them is mean!
Much later that evening, the creature awoke!
One Bob-leg, one g’raffe leg! He rose up and spoke:
“Beloved creator, I wish you’d not meddle,
My unicycle now needs two different pedals”*
Imagine that in bold and Bob’s your
chimeraUncle.I bow to thee, Cath. Sheer genius!
(And how did you know about my uncle Bob?)
I know we’ve finished, but Cath’s lines below the photo almost fitted the meter. Easy to fix (although perhaps I shouldn’t):
Half warthog, half carrot? What would look nice?
Half girrafe, half O’Hara? Made in a trice.
And the photo neatly expresses my reaction to what has just gone on. I’ll never release calcium from intra-cellular stores again.
Okay, let’s see how it looks as a whole (with the traditional editing to make it scan):
’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lab
Not a Gilson was stirring, not even one jab.
On the bench, ’twixt a novel by Jennifer Rohn
And the paper rejected by Henry’s iPhone
Lay a leg, still trembling and covered in gore
And Frankenstein sighed ‘I can’t take this no more’.
He exclaimed panic struck, as he took in the scene,
of horrendous results from NN’s latest meme.
‘having one extra leg wasn’t part of the plan
to create a new species, anatomized man’.
And then out of the blue, ‘twas a bump in the night
A girrafe ’pon a unicycle, starting a fight
Held back by a keeper all smiling with glee,
It was then that I knew that it was Santa Gee.
His iphone, it jingled, his crocs were so pink,
It was all I could do to stammer and blink.
‘There you are’ cursed old Frank’stein, approaching the Gee,
‘Call off the girrafe, and hand over the fee.’
“The Beast” then leaped up, from O’Hara’s new leg
Attacked Santa Gee and his elf, Brian Clegg.
One sweep of the sack and the beast was laid out
When hoof of girrafe gave a terminal clout.
Then its leg fell off quaintly, with a sad little ‘plonk’,
Santa Gee, from his sled, gave a loud, angry honk
And the mask on his face slipped – sadly ’twas loose -
To reveal not a man but a fat Christmas Goose.
To Frankenstein’s horror, the bird reared up high
He realized then that this goose could not fly.
So he grabbed the elf Clegg, who stood by buggy-eyed
and hoisting him up with great gusto he cried:
“O’Hara and Beast, I have them at last.
Sprinkle on Ritalin, for a tasty repast.”
But five minutes had lapsed, so the beast was asleep
Having dreams that were complex, clever and deep:
Half warthog, half carrot? What would look nice?
Half girrafe, half O’Hara? Yes! Made in a trice.
He dreamed a solution, to this horrid scene:
Unite the spare legs! To waste them is mean!
Much later that evening, the creature awoke!
One Bob-leg, one g’raffe leg! He rose up and spoke:
“Beloved creator, I wish you’d not meddle,
My unicycle now needs a quite different pedal."
Bravo! I shall attempt an audio version later.
Don’t wish to meddle but I think Cath’s version of the last line is better…
Stephen – meddle and pedals isn’t a good enough rhyme for this kind of verse. Happy to take alternative versions, but we need a singular pedal.
It’s not perfect, but here is an audio version.
You should be able to right click (or whatever you do on Macs) to download the MP3, or click to play.
You’re all quite mad.
I suggest a rendition at CISB09.
Perhaps Mr G. S. of Glasgow could film us doing it on the beach, and ’cast the results on YouTube.
@Brian – meddle and pedals isn’t a good enough rhyme
Pish and tosh! (which also rhyme in my book – given a following wind). The final ‘s’ sound in pedals is easily swallowed when read well. And, let’s face it, we’re not operating at the level of Coleridge or Wordsworth (though Cath comes mightily close…!)
Sorry, Stephen, the editor’s decisions is final. (Now I know the sense of power Henry, Maxine and the like feel. Mwa-ha-haa!) We are writing in the style of a Victorian poem, and the style demands good rhyme.
I am happy to accept an alternative last line, but it must rhyme well with meddle.
I would accept:
“Beloved creator, don’t be he who meddles,
My unicycle now needs two different pedals.”
Compromise?
Sorry – no deal. That compromise is at the expense of mangling the 2nd last line. But it’s your blog and your call…!
{wanders off muttering under his breath}
@ Henry. Fine by me.
@ Brian, Excellent. As the MP3 is downloadable, would you have any objections if I were to remix this with full attribution obviously to you?
I’m thinking appropriate sound effects, reverb etc. etc.
(Reminds me very much of a Panto I was involved in yonks ago as “Mr Sound Effects”)
Graham – please do… I look forward to being Steeled with excitement!
Reading it through, would the ’twixt in the first verse be better as a ’tween.
Oh, an it needs another three verse, but should still fit into the same number of pages.
Sorry, persistent reviewing: the curse of academics.
You’re all quite mad.
Well – doh…
Great, Brian ! I’ll zap you with V1 over the weekend and will upload the polished
tableversion somewhere on the web with a link back here.Bob, excellent work incorporating the Time Bandits quotes in there. May I suggest though that we alter the next line slightly? From He dreamed a solution, to this horrid scene to So came the solution, to this horrid scene
This was the most fun I’ve had on the internet – EVAH. Thanks all!
p.s. Stephen, I have an uncle Bobby, does that count? Although he’s actually my Dad’s cousin, but that’s the closest I get to a real blood relative uncle in my family…
You’re looking dangerously close to 100 comments here, Brian. Think what you could have achieved with a parody of Kubla Khan.
Cath – it was fun, YES, and frustrating too! But I’m kind of sad that it’s over. I think I’d go for the three additional verses Bob mentioned…
{laughs maniacally}
Consider it a work in progress. We’ve completed the first part of the opus… but you are welcome to make start on part II!
Part the Second (but only if you feel up to it):
Outside the lab window, the bells they did chime
I’d like to take part, but do not have the time
Just heard your rendition Brian — very-well enunciated, I thought. Great fun, thanks all!
You’re looking dangerously close to 100 comments here
Absolutely.
I’ve pretty much completed remixing Brian’s rendition, but will he approve it? He just has.
Link to follow in a bit.
Here is the remix:-
This was mixed using open source Audacity
All samples used are CC and were downloaded from The Freesound Project
Attribution list here
But of course, a big big thanks to Brian Clegg !!
Nice job Graham – the sound effects were a great addition. And beautifully read Brian!
Very impressive, Graham and much fun.
hahaha.
that was silly.
Definitely. We’ll have to have a rendition on Cromer Beach in February.
Are we up to 100 comments yet?
Oh, I know … ’Twas brillig and the slithy Grant…
In reality The Beast has an Australian accent (he’s from Melbourne), I don’t know if you dare try it. But well done, I enjoyed both versions immensely.
How about starting a new post with the second part in a couple of days? Some of us need to re-negotiate with our muses.
Bob – I’ve started the new one here, so once you’ve girded your poetical loins…
Great news – we now have a review from a real poet. See the comments to this blog post