Three wise monkeys: We have a fourth brother, DO NO EVIL, but he left the group for a career in science… Source: flickr.com

5. Conservation
To claim that you have compare with normal mature human DNA you just use some cord blood DNA instead. And you do not bother to anneal your polymer samples in the same condition before getting the curve of glass transition temperature dependency.

4. Inheritance
You are following a project of a elder fellow in the same group, but you cannot repeat what she had published. However, after some time of ‘in-depth investigation’ you just manage to repeat it (don’t ask how), with even somewhat better results. And your subsequent work seems just too smooth to believe.

3. Decisiveness
You (and your boss after you’ve told her) are very excited at a new/novel/first-time-reported peak observed from your molecule, which is just a random one-off product in a rainy Friday afternoon. And you draw the error bars in your curve from two or less parallel samples each.

2. Brave Heart
Having no time to redo a TEM shot, you just borrow a suitable one from your roommate’s gallery in his computer, with a couple of necessary modifications in Photoshop. And you delete a series of ‘unsuitable points’ in your table so that the rest seem aligning in a perfectly linear pattern.

1. Crazy
50 papers are published in a year with your name as the first author, before these works are actually done.