Having moved from academia to industry there was an expectation that new “lingo” was going to have to be learned to communicate correctly with peers and superiors. And, admittedly, I knew that there were buzzwords that would be used and some I may like and most I would not. So, now I must rant about a recent set of buzzwords that some like to throw-around like so many tomatoes at the Valencia Tomato Festival. They are off-line and bandwidth. As in, “let’s talk about this off-line” -used during a meeting when a topic that is not relevant to the topic of the meeting is beginning to take up too much time (formally known as – let’s talk about this later). Bandwidth refers to someones availability to do work with respect to time – “does Craig have the bandwidth to finish his part of the project as well as a new meaningless task or does he need help?”

Let me be clear . . . I AM NOT A COMPUTER! I do not operate on-line when I am in a meeting with you. I am there talking to you in person (a.k.a. meatspace vs. cyberspace). So just tell me you would like to talk about the particular topic later or in a different setting. Since we are already “off-line” what you are saying is absolutely ridiculous. Second, I don’t have “bandwidth” I either have the capacity, desire, drive or want to take on extra work and/or finish the task according to your ever shifting schedule or I don’t. If I don’t I am a highly educated and competent adult and, therefore, will ask for help if necessary (after all isn’t that why you hired me and pay me!).

While I am at it when did people become airplanes? Do I really need to look at a project from a 35,000 foot view? Can I get a Hubble-view© instead and actually just look back in time? Could I go really granular and get a Nano-perspective© on a subject. Honestly, can’t we just use regular words to talk to each other.

Note: 35,000 foot view and granular are real buzzwords, Hubble-view and Nano-perspective as well as Nano-mangement© (not listed) are not (yet). :)