Yesterday I went to Society of Authors Meeting on Privacy and Libel. The speakers were Nicola Solomon and Richard Barber. Nicola Solomon is one of the top solicitors in the country on libel and Richard Barbers has been an editor at magazines such as OK! and is a freelance journalist and celebrity ghost writer. My notes come mainly from Nicola Solomon’s part of the talk because although Richard Barber’s talk was entertaining, and he gave us some interesting anecdotes, it was Nicola Solomon’s which contained the most general information. I tried to get this down as accurately as I could – but any mistakes are, of course, are mine – and I (grudgingly) take full responsibility for them.

Dr Grump doesn’t usually need to do much library work. As a senior and respected research worker (and major broadcasting personality) in the study of sexual dynamics and etymology, she finds that the only research she needs to do is observe the activities of colleagues of the SCR of the St George the Witless College, University of Uurm.

If this fails, she has a junior colleague, Dr Lackey, who is always eager to find irritating things called ‘papers’ for her. He is an obliging fellow, the old fashioned sort, as well as opening doors for her, he is of the opinion that someone of Dr Grump’s undoubted intellect and radiant beauty should not be required to trouble herself with the business of thinking, or indeed stressing herself out in any way whatever.

‘Think of what it could do to your collagen, darlink,’ he says, ‘there is a limit to what the clostridium botulinum toxin can paralyse, and the facial furrows caused by calculating the parameters of Poisson distributions of the sexual preferences of the alpha male is doubtless one of them..’

Dear fellow scientist,

It is with heavy heart that I feel compelled to start this blog. For several months now my colleague, Dr Dudman (a lapsed scientist- although at one time quite distinguished in the field in the art of building rigs for studying the sensitivity of surface acoustic wave gas sensors and also in the manufacture of molecules of indeterminate floppiness containing both heterocyclic rings and ferrocene), has been urging me to do so.

‘You have so much to offer, Drusilla,’ she told me – and of course I agreed. I am an expert in two fields – etymology and sexual dynamics – which gives me a singular insight into several areas of human endeavour. Furthermore I am a lead researcher at the distinguished university of Uurm, an institution of burgeoning importance in both areas.

More importantly, I am gorgeous. More – much more – on this topic later, perhaps. But for now I should just mention at the outset that