Over in Jenny Rohn’s salon we’ve been discussing the nature and causes of gender discrimination in science and elsewhere. In the course of this discussion a point gradually came to the surface, which I felt demanded more exposure, and that was this.
Overt discrimination against women on the basis of gender implies an opposite and equal discrimination against men
I shall refer to this as Gee’s Third Law (the First Law states that no matter hard you waggle it about, one drop always stays on the end. And the Second Law? Well, you don’t really want to know about that.)
Gee’s Third Law crystallized in my mind after reading this blog entry (Hat Tip, Richard Grant) which cites instances of expressions of disapproval towards men who want to go home from work to care for a sick child, because of the assumption that this is ‘naturally’ the job of a mother.
This thought quickly led to others in which sexism towards women also discriminates against men, from the well-known asymmetry in custody cases to the utterly reprehensible inequalities that still persist as regards paternity leave. Why do women get loads and loads of time, whereas men get about five minutes? Following this further, is it any wonder that so many children (especially boys) are being deprived of their fathers during their formative years? What kind of damage does this hidden sexism do to society as a whole?
I haven’t got time to go into this further. After peremptorily rejecting considering a stack of manuscript submissions with the diligence each one demands, I have to do some shopping for the kids’ tea, before planning the rest of my day around the school run and brownies, and making sure that the Maison Des Girrafes is spick and span for the return of Mrs Gee from a business trip.
However, while I’m standing at the kitchen sink in my pinny while being taken roughly from behind (oh, I wish), I’m sure that some people might like to reflect on this (topic, that is, not my deep-seated desires. On the other hand, though…)
Don’t all rush at once, mind. Consider, that if you wish to comment, we don’t really require any more evidence that sexism exists (it does); that men and women are different (they are) and that biological and societal influences both have their parts to play (they do).
And most of all, remember to wipe your feet when you come in, and leave the loo seat in its reclined (horizontal) position when you leave.
Thank you.
Well, I could write lots of things in response (why is everyone else so quiet?) but I would like to address your comment about maternity vs paternity leave.
In my view/experience, women do need a certain time for maternity leave for the following reasons: (1) physical recovery from the pregnancy and birth (eg nine months worth of ligament softening. All over.) (2) lactation. (3) for the “sleepness night” period, it is useful for many parents to split it so that one parent exists on Planet Zombie for a while, awake, asleep on one or two hour cycles or whatever it takes, while the other gets a decent kip and goes out to
hunter gatherwork to earn the crust.(4) I also hate to have to write this, but I do think that giving birth affects one’s brain for a few weeks, as a result of pregnancy/lactation hormones or whatever reason. I was quite shocked when I had my first child and went out for the first time: I could barely find the local newsagent and as for paying and working out the change – forget it. I have observed similar effects in others.
But yes, once that short phase is over, I agree – it is parental responsibility, not “one parent’s” responsibility. Other countries do it differently from the UK. America is more brutal whatever the sex of the parent. Scandinavia allows one parent and then the other, quite considerable leave.
However, many people, men and women, are quite happy to have a polarised state of affairs, where men earn the bread and women keep house—or occasionally the other way round. As with many of these topics, there is no “one answer” except one could make a more general plea for tolerance and flexibility, so more people could be in a position to make the arrangements that suit them. (Choice, again – see your next, excellent, post.)
Why should parental leave be equal, even when one takes into account the different roles of mothers and fathers?
It’s precisely because pregnancy and lactation are physically draining for a new mother that paternity leave is there, so that the father can help the mother through it.
Mrs Gee remembers the phase during which one’s brain turns to custard. But I also remember the extreme sleep deprivation that persists for at least several weeks after a birth. This affects both parents. How is it fair to have a legislative and societal norm that demands that a father goes back to work within a few days of his partner having given birth, when he is shattered, and his missus could really do with him at home? That’s not only unfair on mothers and fathers alike, it’s cruel.
‘Why is everyone else so quiet’ – Can’t think of anything else to say but agree. It is unbelievable in this day and age that there isn’t simply an allowance of paid and unpaid parenting leave that is to split as desired by any given parents.
We can argue (and the CBI will) about what those total times should be but surely it is up to the parents how that is split up to best suit themselves.
Maxine’s right that there are as many ways of addressing parenthood as there are people, but one thing I’ve noticed from talking to Dads from all walks of life is how much more time they’d like to spend with their children, if only they could. It seems that the Dads least able to do this are those in middle/upper management in the professions or in finance, whose bosses (whether male and female) seem to demand a degree of commitment to the workplace that verges on the inhuman. Sure, they earn a lot of money, but the cost is faustian.
In the end, I think that this sexism is rooted in working practices that new technology have rendered archaic. For many people in today’s knowledge economy it just isn’t necessary to go to the office or attend meetings, and that workers are far more productive if left to order their own lives according to their own needs, and not that of their employer. I do wonder why employers’ bodies such as the CBI seem so resistant to change, when by any measure, flexible working benefits everyone, including the bottom line. I am inclined to suspect it’s a species of vanity – that some people feel don’t feel that anything less than a smart central-London office and a large staff in near-permanent
slaveryresidence will satisfy their self-importance.Writing as someone who is going through agonies being unable to sufficiently support my children through stressful school exams, I can only say that it never ends, this tension, until they leave home and become adults themselves (I suppose).
My father phoned me on my 38th birthday. “The first 37 years are the worst,” he said.