In another place I wrote about (and even calculated, using back-of-the-envelope trigonometry) the tremendous visual acuity of Tolkien’s elves. Many Tolkien fans have wondered how it is that Elves can ‘see further’ than humans, but they can’t – it’s all to do with acuity and resolution. Elves and humans can see just as far as one another – but elves see distinct objects where humans just see a blur.
This came home to me in dramatic fashion a few nights ago on my long journey home, nursing a migraine. By the time I actually arrived home I felt as if someone was trying to gouge out my left eye with an ice-pick. The pain was as excruciating as anything I’ve felt since I passed my PhD viva driving test a kidney stone.
My wife, who has seen this all before, many times, said it was probably a case of eye-strain and booked me an appointment with the optician. I went next day and the result was clear – my prescription had changed dramatically.
Thinking back, this explained many things – I had blamed my recent tiredness on anything but eye-strain, despite having been in this situation before. I ascribed my fatigue to my very long days, or the early-morning vivacity of our new puppy, using these to explain why, in recent weeks, I’ve preferred to spend my long train commute asleep, rather than eagerly writing about sex, violence, aliens, violent sex, sex with aliens, and violent sex with aliens, as I had done before, with such enthusiasm.
But soon I’ll have a new pair of specs, and shall soon be able to return to the more salacious corners of the galaxy with renewed libido tumescence literary vigor.
So let this be a cautionary tale. Nature Networkers are scientists and/or writers who depend on being able to read and digest a lot of very long words, some of which are in very tiny print, and (because we are self-selected) spend a lot of time in front of a screen, whether or not we’re also staring down microscopes or other visually demanding contraptions. And we tend to work long and unsocial hours.
But just think. If you lost the use of your eyes, you’d be buggered. So get your eyes tested. Do it today.
Sorry Henry, you’ll have to speak up – my ears are going
I think wives are great, myself. Wish I had one, they are so sensible. An elf would be nice too. Not so sure about Richard, though, I see he’s continuing to wind you up!
Richard is not the Messiah. He’s a Very Naughty Boy.
Henry, when you get your new eyes, you might like to peruse this site, which explains all. Although I haven’t worked out how Richard does the size thing in comments.
I wonder if he’s cheating and using headings.
Ah,
that
would
be
a
yes.
no.
Ah. Like this?
Cripes. I think I need an eye test. Oh – I already had one.
Hey, you’ve got a free one here now.
Thank you. I’d like five kilos of potatoes and a box of matches, please.
Four candles.
:)
Don’t distract me, Richard. Believe it or not I am actually working.