Normally, I do not make new year’s resolutions. I think it is silly to set a new goal only because everyone else is doing it. When I make a promise to myself, I want it stem from genuine, self-motivation—the kind of promise I can actually fulfill. However, this year is different. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, it is still a very, very dim light; but the beam is visible nonetheless. Despite the fact that grad school feels like it has lasted an eternity….despite the fact that I still have several years of postdoctoral work before I can get a job….and despite the fact that I still have absolutely no idea what kind of job I will be doing in 10 years….I am sensing that things will work out in the end if I just let them and not fight it every step of the way.
As 2007 ended, I was away from Boston visiting family for the holidays. This allowed me some valuable time to think and regain perspective on life. For the past few months, I have not been in particularly good spirits. It is so easy to lose sight of the big picture when you have your head buried in the day-to-day grind of you thesis project. Out in the real world, where 26 year olds have full time jobs and own houses filled with cars and families, everything is much clearer. My life couldn’t be more different. The important thing I have come to realize, though, is that I am actually ok with that. I love that I get to work in science. True, I have been a student for 21 years (80.7%!) of my life. And it is also true that I have several years of postdoctoral training before I can land my first “real” job at the age of 30-something. But would I really enjoy the day to day grind of an office or retail job? No way! Science is thrilling, even when things aren’t going well, there are still colleagues getting good results you can share. There are always data to be analyzed and experiments to be suggested. Science really is the only thing that will make me happy.
So, I have decided to make a New Year’s resolution after all: Enjoy the journey (no matter how slow it may be). Eventually you will get to the finish in one piece. In the end, I might even realize that the long training process is a gift, rather than a burden. After all there aren’t many careers where individuals literally get to grow up before they make a final decision….
I kept my last new-year resolution by almost the entire year, but then I broke it in the last moment. It was not to make any new-year resolutions anymore! ;)
I feel just like you… I hate the uncertainty, but I try to remember that even if I fail at school, lose my scholarship, and even if nobody ever care for my research and writings, even so this is still who I am. They might take me out of the academic world, but never take the passion for science from inside me… I might end up working with something else, but I would still be the same person.